I've always loved writing, but I have this problem of never wanting to show it to anyone. And because of that, I don't write nearly as much as I should. Just lately I've noticed that I've regressed in my writing, so I've decided to post something that I just wrote the other day. It's just the beginning mind you, but I wanted to know what people thought of it. So I'm going to post it. And just so you know, the first line is in [] because I'm not sure if I'm going to keep it as the opening line, use the line after that one, or create a new one all together. Feedback?
[Entire populations have died, countries have fallen to ruins, and I’m just now realizing that my whole life, I was told to worry about the wrong things.] When mad leaders took up in arms and threatened to ruin my life style, I was told to worry, so I did. When the old lady from across the street died last year, I didn’t give it a second thought because it didn’t make the news. When a bag of my favorite salad mix was suddenly infected with Salmonella, I nearly had a heart attack. When someone, miles away from me with no connection what-so-ever to my life, stumbled into a hospital with an unheard of illness and infected 112 people in the last ten minutes of his life, I changed the channel.
You don’t need guns to take over the world, and you don’t need an army to threaten the life style of millions of people; all you need is one sick person. One sick person and a careless doctor to write it off as the flu. After all, all diseases started somewhere, right? All the known sickness that can be “cured” with over the counter drugs started out as just a fancy way back when and at least one person in each situation died for the sake of science and it’s ability to ignore all unknown things. And the bad ones, like this, killed a hell of a lot more than one person before science would finally take it seriously; not even slaughtered families made the cut. Are you paying attention now Science?
Three months ago Steven Wainwright was rushed to the hospital when his wife found him unconscious on the bathroom floor. He was in a puddle of vomit and his body was covered with a fine sheen of blood. As soon as his wife gasped, she was dead. It was an airborne disease. But how could anyone have known?
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6 comments:
I have always had the same fear of writing. It seemed the minute I told someone my idea or expressed my passion for it, I lost all motivation and interest... I am trying to overcome!
I think that this is a great hook... I like the first line in brackets, it should be set off from itself, in italics or something?
Is this going to be the start of a novel or short story?
That last paragraph was awesome, I think maybe a little editing in the paragraph before it, a little too wordy? But that can come later... Keep writing!
I like the first line. It's a good way of pulling the reader into the work. It definitely caught my attention.
On another topic, thanks for checking out my blog! <3
Thank you, both of you!
Kestrel: Yeah... I kind of have that problem; being too wordy I mean. Some of my teachers always tease me that I write like a Brit, though I guess that's not too bad, eh? Thanks for your feedback!
♥
I really like it! I think it was very captivating. I would just keep writing and get all your thoughts down...once its finished then go back and correct it for word choices, grammar etc, and have other people fix it. but just give yourself a deadline and sit and write! :) Perhaps make yourself accountable to someone so it will force you to make your deadline?
Good luck and excellent job!!
:-) <3 TT
Well you got me in!
Just dropping by to say thanks for your lovely comments on my blog. I like your style too and shall return the link.
I think you and I might have some interesting discussions re: men and women.
In principle I wholeheartedly agree with you re: those women who still go after a man even when they know he is taken.
And yet, here I am in the middle of a relationship with a 'taken' man. Mind you, I'm about as far away as you can get from those flirty, in-your-face temptresses you describe. I am more of a furtive, I-can't-stop-this-but-hopefully-nobody-will-notice kind of gal. Apart from it's also being a one off, not a habit.
Oh dear, is that the awful clanging of shallow justification? Certainly not wishing to make excuses for inexcusable behaviour - your post just made me realise that I can no longer sit comfortably on my previous moralistic laurels!
Off to pick blackberries (from the supermarket shelf!)
Tuesday x
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