Opps.

I had a break down in AP U.S. History Monday. Luckily for me it was not a major one and all it really consisted of was a bunch of black tears (eyeliner) and sniffles lovingly wiped on dear friend D, who has always been my punching bag and tissue. I love him dearly.

Anyways, my teacher, Mr. Irish Man, sent me home as did Lover and my friends. So I spent the first half of my Monday morning feeling sorry for myself, doing homework and wishing it was lunch (at which time I would go back to school).

Here are the two things that most recently added to my mental break down of sorts:

[1] On Friday and Saturday I had an out-of-town/over night speech tournament. While it was a load of fun and I always enjoy doing my events, Lover and I only spent collectively 20-40 minutes together the whole time. He was in both Debate and Pattern A and I was in Pattern A and B, so by the time one was getting back from one round the other was running off to their other thing. Though that did put me into a little bit of a mood, that's not what made me upset this weekend.

Friday evening Lover and I got into a little tiff: me angry because he wouldn't talk to me and he trying to tell me it was okay and not wanting to talk about anything, only adding to my irritation. It seems that I accidentally say little things that embarrass him in front of people and it was only this Friday (after how long now?) that he told me.

He tried to assure me that it wasn't a big deal and that he dealt with it, but I would have none of it; he shouldn't have to deal with it, after all. I was mad that he had never told me any of this before as well as suddenly being struck with the realization that I'm not that great of a girlfriend. It didn't help my emotions when he weaseled out of talking to me about it, leaving my emotions out and raw.

[2] I had a mountain of homework that I had told myself I would do between rounds on Friday and Saturday... which I didn't. Lover came over on Sunday so that took that time away and by the time I was in first period I came to grips with the fact that I was 20 pages behind in AP History, 25 pages in AP Psychology, a chapter behind in Honors English, and homeworkless in German.

Factor in my imbalance of hormones at the time (PMS), months of stress prior to this, and my last good cry being at least a year ago, it was only a matter of time that day before I blew my lid. Luckily for me D was there to lend my a shoulder and the tears were to a minimum. No annoying sobbing sounds out of me!

I could see in Lover's face that he felt bad for taking my Sunday away from me and that just really added to my melancholy mood. It was unpleasant seeing him feeling guilty for something he didn't do. I willingly spent my Sunday with him knowing that I would be putting work aside (I assure you this is a first time thing; Lover and homework are equally balanced and I usually never put one above the other. I can do both).

So home I went to do everything I had fallen behind in, and by the time lunch hit and I was back in school, I was all better. Until Lord English Teacher (he is God) gave me back an A paper I had written and told me that he expected much more out of me and was disappointed. I almost started crying again.

♥

Busy, busy, busy.

Post sometime this week, assuming time allows. I haven't had much time to myself at all for the longest time, but I suppose I don't mind. 89% of the time it's a pleasant sort of busy.

Soon.

♥