Lover's Friends vs Me

I'm not going to lie: This war is wearing me down to nothing. Not only have I had to keep all my harsh come-backs and snappy replies to myself (to please Lover), but their relentless attacks on me as a person has squashed my none existence self-esteem. I was unaware that zero could be any more than just that, but I now know it can.

[For the sake of fluency, I will refer to Lover's friends by a random letter in their name; that way I don't have to keep saying 'Lover's friends' and make you guess which one I'm talking about.]

Not all of them hate me. In fact, I'm going to say that out of the major four, only two do. So about half. No, correction: two of them used to. I don't know what happen, but by biggest opponent in this game of love has shifted and we know tolerate each other, which I don't mind. I use to think that U had a crush on Lover, and that's way he hated me, because I stole his boyfriend (no, Lover is not, nor ever was, gay. I just mean they are really close). However, over the last few weeks (it's only taken this long), I've realized he is just making sure I don't hurt his best friend. Understandable.

R and O are totally indifferent towards me, which I am also fine with. I am more than fine with them not liking me, just so long as they don't hate me. I think O is just being a big brother (thank god for me the other two big ones are out of the town and the other is 12...) and is wary of me, but not resentful. I'm not sure he knows what to think.

R thinks I'm loud and sassy, which I am, so I don't begrudge him for not being to keen on me; I'm just not the type of person he would hang out with. He respects mine and Lover's connection and he is happy to see that we love each other (I believe), so his apathy to me is really nothing to me. I'm kind of apathetic to him too.

A on the other hand HATES me, and if it's not hate it is definitely something very strong and fiery. Like the earth's core... on fire. That's pretty intense, is it not? In his own mind, this man is a god, and I won't argue the point that he is very, very smart. Lover and his group are massively intelligent and all brooding genius, the kind that make Einstein look like a paint chip-- I kid not. My group is pretty smart, sure, but we are smart-asses, loud, in your face, and take-no-shit type of gals and boys.

In A's mind Lover and I dating is like a Lord fooling around with his surf; it's not okay. The upper class are not allowed to intermingle with the lower class because that produces bastard offspring. The fact that we are in love and I, the surf, actually make Lover, the Lord, happy and vice-versa is not in my favor. Apparently, there are no exceptions to A's rule.

What's worse is the fact that I try so hard to get A to like me. The other day he gave this fantastic speech and I made it a point to compliment him on it. I said it in a serious voice, so he couldn't have interpreted that I was being sarcastic, and I smiled at him kindly, but all he did was sneer and glare at me! For Speech & Debate tournaments, our coach wanted us to do PD together because he thinks he would bring home the hardware (which we would). A loves PD from what I hear but as soon as I was brought up as being his partner, he informed Coach that he would rather do LD (which is a solitaire debate form). What?! I may have no confidence in my ability to do anything, but I have to admit that I am one hell of a debater. I'm the best PD girl we got! The BEST!

Its not that I have to be liked by everyone and that's why A's intolerance for me hurts me so much: it's because I'm so tired of this battle between them and me. I'm tired of them feeling left out and blaming me if he spends too much time with me. I'm tired of me feeling left out when they completely close their group off to me and shun me. I'm sick of them thinking I'm stupid, slutty and bitchy when they don't even know me. I hate that I'm seen as not good enough for Lover. I hate that they get to me like this. I hate when Lover has to bring it up to them that I'm a part of his life and they need to accept that. I hate that he has to do that.

Point to remember: I hate it. I just hate it!