I suppose it was just one of those days

I can honestly say that I have fully come to terms with the fact that I am quick to anger and when I get in one of those awful moods I'm sour and resentful. I cling on to things that transpired earlier while a nasty little cloud hung over me and my group, and because of it the rest of the day - no matter how many good little things happen sporadically through out it - it's overcast with just a touch of utter stubbornness.

Like today:

Since Lover was gone for Christmas and I was egregiously dramatic and depressed, I decided that it might be a good idea to get away from my mopey little dungeon for the next up coming big event, New Years Eve. And so I booked a flight and flew to the beautiful town of Sausalito to visit dear friends of mine for a week.

Today we decided that it would be fun to go into town and shop around, explore the local cafes and shop for gifts (on Christmas Eve, I had given a few relatives IOU slips, promising to buy them something while I was away on my leisure trip).

The day started out on a lovely note and I was wonderfully excited to visit a city I had never been to before and heard nothing but good things about. As we were leaving, I jokingly said to A (the husband), "Did you see the van?"

What I was referring to was a hilarious scene that unfolded the evening before in which S (wife) had tried, unsuccessfully, to park the company van. But between the ladder, the car in the adjacent spot and the car perpendicular to the spot we were trying to pull into, it was something of an impossible situation. When we finally put the van in park and opened the doors we discovered that we were stuck in a diagonal fashion. Laughs and hoots quickly followed as we climbed out over the car and stumbled into the house.

What I did not know was that later that evening, before A had returned, S had moved the van so it was parked properly, and in the process the front had been scratched. I was unaware of this, and when I made the crack S gave me a deadly look. Apparently, I was suppose to keep a secret I had no idea about.

When A saw the van, he was not pleased. It wasn't so much the scratch that bothered him, but rather than S had not told him. What bothered me was that all of a sudden, I was put in an awful situation. I had spilled the beans, and in doing so I created a tense, and awkward, situation.

Needless to say, the trip into the city was not fun. A was fussy all day, and I couldn't escape the feeling that S was annoyed with me. To make matters worse, I was annoyed with S for forcing me into a position where I was the bad guy.

When the trip finally ended and we returned home everyone was feeling calmer and more relaxed. Everyone that is except me. I clung fiercely to my annoyance and grief, and as the evening wore on, I was becoming madder and madder.

Then Lover called.

Without intending to, I lashed out at him. Short with my responses but quick with my tongue, I could tell that I was hurting him, but I couldn't stop myself. Lover knows me well enough to know what kind of mood I am in, and he has always been good about letting me rant and then calming me down when this particular one sets upon me, but tonight he must have been in a mood of his own because rather than being his regular self he was provoking me!

He was defending his wretched friend (don't ask how we got on that topic because I have no idea) - the one who is openly horrible to me - and snapping at me. When I would ask him a question, trying to work myself out of my mood, he would ignore me. At one point I laughingly said something about his personality, something I love and that he knows I do, he was quick to snap, "Obviously you don't know me at all."

By the time we finally got to the goodbyes of the phone call I could hear it in his voice, and feel it in my soul, that we were both tried of being mad. By the time we hung up, I felt like shit.

These three weeks apart during the holidays has sorely gotten to both of us. The sooner we are back in each others arm, the better.